year review again!
Just wanted to make a little mid-December update. These last months flew by so fast it's insane! I hope summer goes by slowly, let's all go at our own pace.
I've been thinking about this recently: this year was a pause. a chance to look back on other years, especially last year LOL I've had a lot of time for introspection, and, as I mentioned on the last year-review post, I've been doing things for myself and myself only.
Yesterday I spoke to an old friend whom I was very scared of. It went surprisingly well! I won't go into detail much, but it kinda helped me reaffirm my point. I don't feel like we can be as close as we were before, but I don't know if she feels that way as well. So our conversation was inherently awkward since she went on a rant about her life this year and I got very tired at some point, like I really wanted to just hang up, but that was just me being mean. I got over my pettiness and started paying attention.
To my surprise, this friend has gotten a lot better at dealing with her problems and coping. And looking back, it really makes me glad she's doing better now. She also has better company now, not degrading myself as a friend, but we lived different lives and I wasn't going to be much help. Anyway, I told her that I was happy for her and how she was redirecting her life, and she just brushed it off like it was nothing. I guess that must mean she hasn't told me the worst parts, and I certainly can't understand what she went through. But I still made sure to tell her I'm glad she's doing better now, despite everything that happened to her this year.
This got me thinking a lot again about last year's occurrences. I started distancing myself from her more than a year ago after she did something that upset me. She changed a lot as a person since then: started wearing more feminine clothes and dating boys instead of girls, among other things. I can't talk to her as freely as I did before, but I can tell that she's still a good person on the inside, it's just that I've demonized her in my head because of what she did and her sudden change. But people change, and I guess that's something everyone knows but it's hard to swallow once you find yourself in that situation. I wanted to quote again that Forgiveness doesn't require reconnection, I don't feel like reconnecting as friends again, but moments like these make me feel glad we aren't on terms as bad as I thought we'd be.
Every time I speak with anybody about how this year has treated them they tell me it was crazy, but it was very chill for me. Nothing major, nothing much changed apart from my hair color, some new interests and new friends (and a few breakdowns but we covered those already!! I'm fine now). And I'm happy nothing big happened, I feel like this was a necessary pause. That said, I think I'm ready for next year. I hope it's full of mistakes again and good surprises:) I kind of miss liveliness hehe.