early year review cause we've still got 2 months to go
i think this was a very messy year. but it came with a lot of good things! i started uni and made new friends, kept contact with old friends from school, no new relationships cause I finally came to terms with the fact that i enjoy being aro and i don't need to prove anything to anyone. wait. wait i just remembered a silly accident i had back in may but that doesn't count cause it never felt like a relationship it's just Something That Happened.
GIRL LISTEN UP QUICK INTERMISSION I JUST HAD A CONFRONTATION WITH MY PARENTS ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED ON SATURDAY AND NOW I FEEL EXTRA GUILTY AND IN A LOOP. I CAN'T KILL MYSELF AND IT PAINS ME. SORRY THIS IS A BIT CONTRADICTIVE TO WHAT I WAS PLANNING TO SAY IN THIS ENTRY IM JUST FEELING VERY UH. i really don't wanna say borderline but i've been feeling a lot on edge. on both edges:( let's just go back to the happy edge it might help me. its 10pm
anyway i was thinking about how this year i got into trouble a lot but it was all on me! this one doesn't make sense yet okay but bear with me until the end. this year was full of mistakes but this time i didn't do anything bad for the sake of anyone. i am discovering myself and my flaws and i think there's some beauty in that too cause i finally feel like i'm doing things for myself. my errors are mine and mine alone! last year and the year before and etc i made a million mistakes for other people cause i was emotionally manipulated but Oh How Cutting Ties With Toxic People Changes You! i PROMISE
today i read a phrase that went like: Forgiveness does not require reconnection. and i started mentally tearing my organs apart holy shit. i don't feel like forgiving anyone yet but that definitely touched a nerve.
it's 1.45 now offishally the end of my day and i really wanna keep this as something to read when im feeling down so all in all im really happy i got to enjoy this year by myself. without anyone tying me down.
today we heal
if not today, tomorrow
or the week after
or the year after
or the second after that:)
good night