8月8日 — last week of winter break
I'm feeling troubled about some stuff and I can't quite talk about this to anybody yet.
I've been having the time of my life with my friends from uni this past semester. Even if I just recently joined the group there's been nothing but good times and nice people. I didn't know strangers could be this kind. I didn't know it was possible for everyone to feel included in a friend group. I received a lot of warmth and good feelings from my new friends and now I understand I wasn't supposed to feel left out with my other ones. I've gotten used to being treated well that I forgot all of the bad feelings from my past friendships, which makes me happy. It's a sign my life is getting better.
But I don't think any of my past friendships meant ill. We are just not compatible. In high school, you're grouped with the same people year after year, and I took that for granted when it came to friendships. I never really got close to anyone. Not that I ever felt like I needed to, because I never knew how it felt.
The thing is, I still have to see their faces every now and then. To be honest I don't know what reason they have to include me in their reunions since I'm not really close to anyone there, I just get along with most of the group because I didn't wanna be on bad terms with anyone back in high school. And I am feeling a little evasive now that I know that the things I felt when I used to hang out with them weren't things I was supposed to feel. I shouldn't be feeling like they are pretending to be nice to me because they pity me, but I inevitably feel that way when it comes to them, and so on.
I don't know if I should just cut these people off my life or confront them about it. Or whatever else is there to do (I really don't wanna have to talk to them anymore if I'm being honest). I wish I could see a professional and talk to them about this.